“Please be around, please keep me company, please go out, work, make lots of money, pay my expenses and buy me things, but when it comes to your needs, I’m sorry – I just can’t bring myself to lie anymore. That’s why we need to further broadcast that this happens in relationships – as soon as women get money and commitment and kids and the legal right to take half your stuff and your salary if you leave her, she shows her TRUE COLORS.
Some people would say go have an affair, or pay for sex but I know that isn’t the answer for you as it’s the whole connection you crave
Dear Steve, thank you for your advice’s and for having time to wright back to me I find logic in your words, and I’ve tried to talk to her about this, usually it works for a week or two, then we go back to the same situation. So far, in the one year we’ve been living together, I’ve already talked to her 3 times about this, and how it makes me feel, and yesterday would’ve been the 4th, but I started thinking to myself “why bother, it won’t change anything” so I ended up sleeping in the couch, because I find it hard to be around her at this time. Don’t get me wrong, I do love this girl. I can’t say i’m the ladies man, but I had a couple of relationships and I do know my feelings are true, sadly I cannot pretend everything is ok. I tried not giving a f*** about it, but, as I do that, I start to feel disconnected from her, and I start to look at her like a sister, or a stranger. Why sister or stranger, and not a friend you ask ? Because when I try to forget about the sexual part of the relationship and carry on like it’s nothing, on the other fields we keep doing really good BUT as I start to feel disconnected, I start to see her as a sister, someone I care and love, but I can’t have physical interactions with, and then I can’t even look at her undressing, or in the shower. Sure, I could call it, but I really love her. Yes, love is not everything, but I feel like she loves me too. Starting to question it as time goes by, but I still believe that she’s with me for love. I am deeply afraid of giving that full “physical space” and drift us apart in a way nothing can bring it back.
Hello Mike, I really feel for you and the situation you have found yourself in. Obviously I don’t know how you approach this situation with your partner but I think what’s happening when you can’t stand to look at her in the shower etc. is actually resentment. I actually think your situation is not uncommon it’s more how you perceive it and are able to deal with it, it may be you have unfulfilled needs from the past, I know in my search for answers this has come to the fore. The long and short of it is that it’s really about how you can deal with it, by the way you explain the situation sadly I can’t see it improving anytime soon, my situation is similar, so in a way I’m trying to advise you the best way I can without having all the answers, I think I’m just slightly “further down the road” with this. I think you really have to be honest with yourself here and either work on yourself to find what you need within or set yourself a time frame and if there is no improvement make a tough decision, you’re too young to feel this way. You say you have spoken with your partner, how does she see your advances for intimacy? Does she feel pressurised? Or does she say she understands and will try harder? I can remember certain relationships I’ve had were my sexual drive wasn’t so high and others were it’s gone through the roof. In all honesty the latter have been too intense to bare. Our mind plays tricks on us, we begin to think that our partners are just not interested in us and that if someone new came into their lives their interest in the physical would be much greater, to an extent this can be true. I asked my partner would this be the case. Her answered was “yes probably”. This hurt me, but then she said, “but it would only last a short time then calm down”, pretty much like my relationship and yours is now. Again rather than dragging yourself through all this you need to ask yourself what is it you really need? Are these needs realistic? What can you do to change the situation? And is this relationship right for you? All the time remembering that women’s needs are very different to men’s, but there is a limit to how far you have to go. I hope this helps but feel it’ll only give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone.